Alternaversity

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Chapter 16

The plan was set. Jenny Wakeman, Sheldon Lee, and the Carbuckle brothers would sneak into Dr. Wakeman’s forbidden underground vault and “borrow” the Quantum Kaleidoscope, a device with the power to alter reality itself. One could argue that rearranging reality to save yourself from public embarrassment was overkill, and Sheldon argued just that, several times. But Jenny would hear none of it. By her calculations, using the Quantum Kaleidoscope was the only surefire way to prevent Epiphany Crust from permanently ruining her social life.

At the appointed hour, Jenny waited outside the cellar door to her house with Brad and Sheldon. She tapped her foot impatiently. Glancing at a wristwatch was unnecessary, as her internal atomic chronometer measured time with unwavering accuracy. That’s how she knew that Tuck was exactly 11 minutes and 6.111995 seconds behind the team’s agreed upon schedule.

She turned to Brad and said, “Pardon the cliché, but this does not compute. You both live in the same house. How can you be here, while Tuck is still running late?”

Brad shrugged. “When I knocked on his bedroom door, he said he had some ‘special preparations’ to make and that he’d catch up.”

Sheldon looked around nervously, “Maybe we should just call the whole thing off. I hate to keep pointing out these sorts of things to a genuine superhero, but breaking and entering is against the law.”

Jenny scoffed. “How can I break and enter my own house?”

Sheldon pointed to the twisted piece of metal in the robot’s hand. “By breaking that lock and entering a part of the house your mom declared off limits.”

Jenny tossed the busted deadbolt into the bushes. “Seems like a gray area to me.”

“I’m here! I’m here!” shouted Tuck as he ran across the lawn. Seeing Jenny's glare, he began to tiptoe, whispering, “Sorry. I’m here. I’m here.”

Brad said, “What are you wearing?”

Posing dramatically, Tuck said, “An all-black outfit is classic heist attire. Oh, almost forgot.” He dug into his pocket and pulled out a black knit cap. “Ski mask to hide my identity.” He put it on, pulling it down over his face, then freaked out. “Hey! What happened? Where’d you all go?”

“We’re right here, doofus,” said Brad. “You forgot to cut out eye holes.”

Tuck lifted the cap above his eyes. “Oh. No matter. If things go south, I’ll get some black-market plastic surgery to keep the police off my tail.”

“C’mon, guys,” said Jenny. “All this talk of committing crimes is ridiculous. We’re just going to have an innocent, late night hang in my basement.” She opened the door and the boys reluctantly entered. “But be careful. Three levels down, the motion-activated lasers kick in.”

A short while later, after deactivating the motion-activated lasers on sublevels 3 and 4, Jenny and the boys made it to sublevel 5. They crouched together outside a three-foot-thick titanium vault. Inside the vault, Dr. Wakeman kept all of her most dangerous inventions, teenage robot daughter excluded.

Jenny spread an intricately detailed blueprint on the ground before them. “This is what we’re up against, boys.”

Tuck was captivated. “Cooool.” He pointed at a small notation on the blueprint. “What’s that?”

“That’s an air vent, Tuck. The only non-dangerous feature on the whole diagram.” Jenny turned to Brad and Sheldon. “After I broke in to use the Futurescope, my mom added extra cameras, motion sensors, metal detectors, breath detectors, more lasers, particle cannons, buzzsaws, old-school Gatling guns, and a moat with alligators.”

Sheldon shrank back. “D-d-d-did you say al-al-alligators?”

“The least of our worries,” said Jenny. “Look over here. See that radiation symbol? I think my mom might’ve added a sneaky little nuclear booby trap to the mix.”

Brad shrank back alongside Sheldon. “Okay. Let’s call a quick time-out. You want us to somehow get past an arsenal of weapons, alligators, and a small thermonuclear device?”

“That’s the beauty of it!” said Jenny. “The radiation will neutralize the alligators.”

“And us!” said Brad. “We’re flesh and bone, robot girl.”

“Highly susceptible to nuclear explosions and radioactive fallout,” added Sheldon.

Jenny pouted. “If I knew you were going to be such babies about it, I would’ve gotten XJ8 to help.”

“Do that,” said Brad. “Get XJ8. Get all the XJs! Just let us get out of the blast zone first.”

“Okay, okay!” said Jenny. “I get it.”

“And I got it,” said Tuck, strolling from the far end of the corridor and carrying a large metal cylinder.

Jenny asked, “Is that —"

“The Quantum Kaleidoscope? According to the warning label, it is.”

Brad asked, “How did you—”

“Avoid all the booby traps and retrieve it? Used the air vents. It’s ‘Heist 101,’ guys. You gotta use the air vents.”

Jenny squealed with delight. Ignoring the warning label, she snatched the device from Tuck and scanned the instructions. “Wait, hold up,” she said. “We’ve got another hiccup — this thing is powered by pip crystals.”

Sheldon breathed an audible sigh of relief, then tried to cover, saying, “Gee that’s too bad. Rotten luck. Sorry, Jen.” He turned to the Carbuckle brothers. “Pip crystals are one of the most powerful and rarest elements in the known universe. Almost unheard of on Earth.”

“Almost, but not entirely,” said Jenny. “I know exactly where to find some — inside the Crust Cousins’ warehouse of out-of-fashion clothing.”

Tuck rubbed his hands together. “Cooool. Another heist!”

To Be Continued . . .
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